Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
