My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
