I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
