I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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