And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
