last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wish there were birth control emojis
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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