when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
