First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
