Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
