I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
