saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
