I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
