We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
