Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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