So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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