I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
