I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The air was thick with penises
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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