The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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