Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
