dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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