Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
