I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
