Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
