I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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