Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
