So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
