He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
