Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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