just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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