it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
