We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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