cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
