I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
