I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
