And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
