ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
