It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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