she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
