I'm jealous of your bromance
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
