So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
