He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
