Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
