You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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