3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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