Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
