After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
