dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
