I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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