I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
