3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
