That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
