Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
being pregnant is like rehab
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
