Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
